As coronavirus forces millions of us into our homes for the indefinite future, couples at the early stages of their relationships are faced with a bizarre question. Not the panic inducing, “what are we,” but the wildly contradictory: “do you want to isolate together?”
Imagine the scenario: Your mother is stuck in the Alps. Your father is in the Canary Islands. The charming boy you have been seeing for the last two months asks if you want to stay with him and his parents for a few days until your relatives are safely home and the pandemic panic blows over.
Except, it doesn’t blow over. It blows up. It intensifies to proportions so epic that the pubs are shut and the supermarkets are barren. The government tells citizens to stay inside, to work from home, to keep two metres away from any other person. Suddenly, this isn’t passing the evening together after eight hours apart at the office. This is 24/7 lockdown. One house and four people looking down the barrel of boredom. So, what the hell happens now?
It is a common utterance that a couple’s first holiday together is the true test of whether they can withstand the intricacies of one another’s company. In 2020, the coronavirus lockdown is the undeniable equivalent. But rather than the close confines of a Mallorca villa, we are dealing with a terraced house in south west London.
Boredom provokes a heightened sense of lust. In the UK,
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