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I've Never Had A Solid Sense Of Self. Motherhood Didn't Fix Me – But It Helped

By Robyn Wilder

Ever since becoming a parent, I’ve read countless articles about motherhood swallowing a grown woman whole, saddling her with the majority of the parental load, and gradually eroding the identity she had before she became a parent.

In my case, though, it was only after I became a mother that I felt my sense of identity beginning to firm up around the edges. I don’t want to suggest, of course, that motherhood somehow “completes” me, or should be anyone else’s path to enlightenment. What I do know is this.

Five years ago,
I Felt Lost In Motherhood. Here’s How I Reclaimed My Identity

It’s realisations like this that have led me to my diagnosis, in adulthood, of several chronic conditions, including ADHD, that I’ve lived with – undiagnosed and untreated – for all my life, and which explain away most of my struggles as trying to apply square-peg thinking to a round-hole existence.

Motherhood hasn’t fixed me, exactly, but it has created an environment where I can examine myself, and now every day I get to know myself a bit better. At the risk of sounding like an inspirational quote on Instagram, I am a work in progress. And one thing I’m particularly enjoying is that I still don’t know what I think about everything – and often I won’t find out until my kids ask me about it – and then we explore it together, which is very fulfilling.

And I’m not so worried about what people think of me anymore. If someone sees my chipmunk-face and starts mansplaining the metric system, or whatever, I’m more able to laugh it off and move on. Because I know what I think of myself; I say it every night as I go upstairs with my hot water bottle and mug of Sleepy Time Tea.

“You used to play in bands,” I whisper to myself. “Indie bands!” And I’m asleep by 8pm.

Via:: https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/sense-of-self-parenthood-identity_uk_5e451649c5b671eafe1eeeea